Spoken:
Ladies and gentlemen, the Mayor of New York.
Good morning; it's been brought to my attention that many rap artists claim that they run New York - but this is not the case. In fact, I wrote my own song about what it's really like. Please excuse the profanity in advance - hit it.
I RUN NEW YORK!
New York, big city of dreams,
And you know that I run this town.
(I run it!)
King of the streets, ??? concretes,
Skyscrapers on my crown.
So if you want this Big Apple,
Come try to take a bite,
Cause I run this motherfucking city and
I won't give it up without a fight.
Yo, I run New York - it's a pain in the ass!
The city's crowded as fuck, and it's covered in trash.
And the sanitation chief just shoved his shit in my face;
Another transit strike? Oh fucking great!
I can't wait
To have another meeting with the labor union
So the mob can bend me over
And then shove their fucking shoe in.
So I do it so you can sip your pumpkin latté.
I literally run New York, and it's fucking exhausting.
[Hook 1]
I run New York, it's a fucking headache.
It really wears you down.
In this lake of bureaucratic bullshit,
It's a miracle I don't drown.
I *double* literally run New York:
I run the marathon.
Plus I organized it,
So I double-run the marathon.
But no one seems to give a fuck that I'm a paragon.
Instead they photoshop me so
It's looking like I wear a thong,
And laugh at it in my own office when I'm gone.
I went to the Knicks game, and
They booed me on the jumbotron!
Excuse me for trying to help you;
They won't be satisfied until I'm
Locked up in Bellevue.
I guess they don't tell you this job sucks dick.
I run New York and it feels like shit.
[Hook 2]
The chief of police is a major bully,
He laughs at my ideas. (He's a jerk!)
He made fun of my tie last week,
And I had to fight back tears.
Now on the surface, it probably seems like I should quit
Cause I spend every day getting punched in the dick.
But at night I travel down into the subway,
Wearing chainmail, locked and loaded for gunplay,
And battle the gigantic fire-breathing mutant rats.
If I fucking quit, who the fuck would do that?
I'll give you a hint: the answer is no one.
That's why I'm in the sewer dressed up like a shogun.
Because on the equinox, a Hell Gate springs,
Releasing hounds wreathed in the blood of kings.
And no one even knows! They just think I'm a dork.
But I still kill those fucking dogs, because
I RUN NEW YORK.
[Hook 3]
I run New York, it's a shitty gig;
There's no overtime in my pay. (Bullshit!)
I asked this city for a fucking bonus,
And they said "no fucking way!"
So rotten is this Big Apple,
It's crawling with worms inside.
But I run this motherfucking shithole city,
And it makes me wanna die.
I RUN NEW YORK!
Thank you.