I met with Napper Tandy and I shook him by the hand
He said hold me up for chrissake, for i can hardly stand
the most disgraceful journey on which i've ever been
the last time that i traveled on the boat train
i had a couple of drinks in town, a few more in the port
i puked up on the gangway but some kind folks helped me board
they sat me at a table, poured whiskey down my throat
sat me at a table and i lost my watch and coat
First we drank some whiskey
then we had some gin
then we had tequila i think that's what did me in
then we had some brandy and the women had a dance
the steward then announced that we could play the game of chance
we crowded round the table with our money in our hands
i landed on the other side without a penny in my pants
woke up in the toilet when we got to holyhead
the doors were all a-banging and i wished that i was dead
then we went through customs
a couple of credited thugs
first they looked for bombs and guns
then they looked for drugs
stuck a flashlight up my ass
told some Irish jokes
said ";fuck off now paddy";
so i headed for the smoke
on the boat train
we got on board the train and then we had a drink or two
started playing poker but the booze ran out at crewe
some people started sleeping, others looked for duty free
some bastard started singing ";little cottage by the lee";
he then sang ";paper roses,"; ";boolavogue,"; ";eileen aru";